The Boy Has a Job

I'm BEAMING with pride right now. The teen has his first job! He started yesterday and really enjoyed it. I received several messages from his boss bragging on how polite he is and that a little elderly woman took to liking him. *giant smile*

He's already learning some great skills such as power washing and painting. He was so exhausted last night that he went straight to bed after eating dinner.

The power of prayer, y'all. That power of prayer.

I insisted that I take his picture and even thought he said "Mom, it's not kindergarten." he let me. He's such a handsome boy! OK, I'll stop now.

A Sinner Like Me

I leave in the morning with a group of 30 for Haiti. The journey to this day has been life-changing and emotionally overwhelming at times. As I lay in bed last night I told God "I'm still not sure why You're sending me to Haiti. I don't even like camping. And I'm a huge sinner. But I'll go with an open heart and wait for You to reveal Your path to me."

I'm seriously humbled that He chose to use a sinner like me to share His love and His word.

I'll report back on what I find out. I trust Him and I trust this path He is sending me down!

I Was a Skeptic Too: The Advocare 24 Day Challenge

With all of the chaos that ensues in my home, it's imperative that I keep myself healthy. I try to eat right (but let's face it, junk food is the GOAT) and I exercise regularly (I have a permanent knee injury and a toddler. Regularly means at least 6 times... a month) but I need more. Since having a baby in my mid-30s, I've struggled with my weight, exhaustion, self-esteem, and depression. Now, what I'm about to tell you by no means cured my obesity, my lethargy, my depression, or made me feel like I'm suddenly sexy again. It has only been a tool to help motivate me to start feeling like ME again.

Every 90 days, I do the 24 Day Challenge. The first few times I did the challenge, I was recovering from microfracture knee surgery.  Due to the surgery, I wasn't able to incorporate exercise with my challenge but my metabolism did receive a jump start and I "felt" good. I don't know about you but when I feel good, it motivates me to feel even better.

I'm about to start another 24 Day Challenge. This will be my 1 year mark. I'm still not where I want to be but I'm not where I was. Since losing the weight, I'm running again. In fact, I just ran my first half marathon a few weeks ago. I cried as I crossed the finish line because I was told I'd never run again. Did the 24 Day Challenge do this for me? No. Did the 24 Day Challenge keep me motivated and give me energy to keep going? Yes. Did the 24 Day Challenge cure my depression and lack of positive self-image? No. But running did. (Beautiful cycle, right?) I can promise I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for the 24 Day Challenge to keep me on track.

This isn't a miracle or a cure. This isn't a diet or a gimmick. You have to put in work. You have to want it. But when you put in work and work with the 24 Day Challenge, it will work for you.
If you're interested in doing a challenge with me, there will be a group of us starting on April 6th. Here's a link to order your products. http://www.advocare.com/140432969 Feel free to ask any questions!

I'm really embarrassed to share this but I think it's important for perspective. Here's what I looked like just before I started my first 24 Day Challenge and also a current photo:

Here We Go

Well. D comes home on Friday. To be one-hundred percent honest, I have mixed feelings. I miss him terribly, he's one of the funniest people I know and he has such a kind heart. But I'm a little nervous too. I'm apprehensive for an emotional outburst like his last one. OK... I'm downright terrified of another outburst like his last one. I've been praying over him and our family for an easy transition and for D to understand his full potential. If you have any extra prayers lying around, our family would appreciate a few.

Update on the bill: The bill is still a huge issue. Blue Cross and Blue Shield denied payment on his treatment. They denied to pay a single penny for mental health care that kept my son alive. Let that soak in for a minute... Since BCBS denied payment, I was advised to apply for a medicaid spend down (but not approved for medicaid). This is a very intrusive and complicated application process. The state requires to see every item that I spend every dollar on. They require car payoffs, insurance docs, home loan payoffs, pay statements and student loan balances. (I'm pretty sure this information is not required of someone applying for basic medicaid.) HOWEVER, I'm thankful for the days the spend down did cover, even if they're making me apply a second time. Weird. So far the total for my responsibility is right at $40,000. In the end, it will probably be double if not more than that. But I'm not going to let that worry  me. Worry is practical atheism and I know my God will provide. (Right God? You're reading this, right?)

Nights Like Tonight

My heart is aching, almost unbearably tonight. I miss D every day, but tonight is the worst so far. I hope he doesn't experience this same heartache. I hope I bear it for the both of us. 

I Need a Shower

We're still fighting with insurance to pay for D's treatment. As of today, insurance has paid $0. I've applied for a service called "Medicaid Spend-down". Apparently this program will negotiate the rate of the treatment to match Medicaid's payment schedule. Then, I will be put on a payment plan to pay the balance (with insurance still paying $0).

Here's why I need a shower. In order to qualify for a negotiated rate ($0 will be paid by anyone other than myself) I had to submit every single documentation of my finances. I had to send a complete stranger my 401K statement, home loan balance, pay stubs, child support documentation, checking/savings account statements (the entire statement) for the past 6 months, personal property assessment, etc. I'm not even exaggerating. It was easier to qualify for a home loan than to apply for assistance in negotiating my child's health care fees. Let that sink in... IF approved, I will not receive any funding, only a negotiated balance.

On a brighter note, D gets to come home for a visit this weekend. The past 2 visits have been discouraging so please be in prayer for healing for D and for patience and understanding for me. The weather is supposed to be pleasant so maybe he and I can go for a run, like we used to. We have great conversation and laughs on our runs. *big smile* I sure do miss that kid.

Slipping Through The Cracks

These past few weeks have been a blur. I've almost ignored the existence of the elephant in the room...

I received a call that D's insurance isn't going to cover his treatment, after all. Which means that not only will I be responsible for $2000 a day, since October 17th... but more importantly, D will more than likely be sent home soon, without completing his treatment. Treatment that is saving his life. This is the actual conversation:

Medicaid: I'm sorry but we just don't cover mental health any longer.
Me: Help me understand this a little better... If "D" had cancer, the state would rally around him and tell him he is a survivor and we will do whatever it takes to save his life. BUT since he has a (potentially terminal) mental health illness, he does not qualify for services. Am I correct?
Medicaid: Unfortunately, this is the case. This is the unforeseen consequence of the changes in Legislation.
Me: My son could die.
Medicaid: I understand and I'm sorry and believe me, I wish I could help you... Legislation.

Due to the changes in Legislation, effective January 1, 2014, families like ours (working class) don't qualify for medicaid even while the patient is in treatment. And we don't qualify for Tefra, while D is institutionalized. *sigh*

Please keep us in your prayers to protect D and allow him to get the health care he needs and deserves... and to protect our family from financial devastation.