I Won't Give Up

Something miraculous has occured. Insurance has approved D's long-term facility treatment. And just in time.

D is extremely impulsive lately. Terrifyingly impulsive. His illness has once again taken over his brain and caused him to be ripped from our family. But I'm thankful that he is safe. The day insurance finally approved his treatment, he had told me, "I will kill myself. You can try to stop me, but I will do it.".

I wish I could keep him under 24 hour watch, for the rest of his life. My mind and my heart are constantly consumed with thoughts and pain that one day, he will succeed. I have moments when I'm at peace with our battle and trusting God, and then there are moments like now, where I feel defeated and terrified that this disease will win.

Insurance: Serial Killer

Have you ever walked into a business and walked out with a $6000 product, without paying? If  you did, you would go to prison. End of story

Then WHY is it okay for consumers to faithfully pay their insurance premiums, co pays, and deductibles, only to be told nope, "we don't cover that."?

What would you do if you went to the hospital and you (or your child) were given a terminal cancer diagnosis? You would, of course, expect insurance to assist you in paying for the treatment to FIGHT your life. And, they would.

Then WHY does insurance have the right to deny payment for mental health treatment? Without the proper medical care, (some) mental health diagnosis are just as terminal, as cancer.

This is where we are with D. He is in an acute psychiatric treatment facility and is being recommended by psychiatrist, psychologists, and social workers, to be admitted into a long-term mental health facility. I was even told "if he returns home, he will kill himself just to spite you". BUT insurance is refusing to fund the treatment, the treatment needed to save my child's life. When insurance declines payment, the facility denies treatment. So here we are. Dying. And no one will give us medical treatment. In 2014. In the United States of America.

Shame on you, random person without a medical degree, hiding behind a desk, declining payment for a potentially terminal illness. Shame.on.you. I will pray for you. I will pray you and your family never have to go through what we're going through. And I mean that. 

Pity-Party: Over

Preface:
I'm not sure if I'm legally allowed to post the following, but I'll take it down, if I'm asked to.

I've REALLY been struggling these past few weeks. I'm not sure where we're going to go from here, with D... but I do know that my God will guide me. I wasn't turning to Him yesterday and man, did I feel it. My day was disastrous from beginning to end. I felt hopeless, and helpless, and ANGRY. (I even cussed while talking to my momma.)

This morning I turned on the XM station, The Message and "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me was playing. The words are PERFECT. They are everything I need to hear to reign me back in and give it all to God. I am all the time telling people "He does give us more than we can handle, because He doesn't want US to handle it!" but I forgot this, myself.

Here is the video and here are the words.

                                         "Bring The Rain"

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty